Praveen Kumar on struggle of sportspersons with mental coque samsung a10e ailments

HomeIndiaI told myself, what’s all this Let me just end my life: Praveen Kumar on struggle of sportspersons with mental ailments

I told myself, what’s all this Let me just end my life: Praveen Kumar on struggle of sportspersons with mental ailments

Richard Hadlee talked about it, Virat Kohli briefly mentioned it. Now former medium pacer Praveen Kumar breaks the biggest silence in Indian sport, opening up to The Indian Express on his fight against depression, and his search for a way back to the game

Praveen Kumar announced retirement from all forms of cricket in 2018. (Express Photo)

Richard Hadlee talked about it, Virat Kohli briefly mentioned it. Now former medium pacer coque samsung galaxy a5 2016 ethnique Praveen Kumar breaks the biggest silence in Indian sport, opening up to The Indian Express on his fight against depression, and his search for a coque samsung j3 superman way back to the game

On a chilly winter double coque samsung a6 morning in Meerut, a couple of months ago, as the rest of his family slept, Praveen Kumar put on a muffler, took his revolver, got into his car and sped to the highway to Haridwar. It had been eight years since the pacer with a magical swing had last played for India. The anger of being so easily forgotten had given way to creeping emptiness and loneliness, the seconds adding up to insurmountable hours. As he sat in his car on the dark road, the revolver next to him, Kumar says, “I told myself, ‘Kya hai yeh sab Bas khatam karte hain (What’s all coque samsung s6 liquide this Let me just end it)’.”

Then his eyes fell on the photo he kept in the car, of his smiling children. “I realised I can’t do this to my phool jaise bachche (innocent children), put them through this hell. I turned back.”

Then, the 33 year old did something unthinkable for sportstars like him, coque samsung galaxy trend lite cdiscount especially cricketers, the length of whose careers depends as much on their image off field as on it. Kumar dragged himself to therapy. Diagnosed for depression, ‘PK’ who mixed his guile with the dying art of swing bowling to stump the world’s best coque samsung galaxy grand prime dentelle batsmen, who was valued by his team mates for his “mast maula (freespirited)” nature is now on medication.

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While rare in India, the private struggle of sportspersons with mental ailments is now coming out in the open. After his international retirement in 1990, New Zealand legend Richard Hadlee talked of having contemplated suicide at the peak of his cricketing career. Recently, Australia’s Glenn Maxwell took a break from the game to recover. His coach Justin Langer spoke about how Maxwell would mask his mental illness by being this overly lapinette coque samsung jovial person. Late last year, prompted by Maxwell’s decision, India captain fnac coque samsung galaxy s7 and mega star Virat Kohli shared his own vulnerabilities at the end of the 2014 England tour. While a drought of runs had made him feel “like the end of the world”, Kohli said he hadn’t been in a position to admit he “was not feeling great mentally” and so just got on coque samsung j7 silicone disney with the game.

The signs were already there towards the end of his career, around 2014, when he was iphone xs max coque rose gold dropped from the Indian team and later couldn’t get an IPL contract, Kumar says.

Post retirement, things had escalated. There was no mental rest. The thoughts kept churning. Mostly negative. The churn would tire him out, he wanted it to stop but it wouldn’t. As he retreated into the recesses of his new Meerut home a faraway world from the glory of cricket stadiums and the glamour of IPL the despair kept growing. He stopped going out, stayed locked in his room, watching his bowling videos on an endless loop, seeing himself take out Australian cricketer Ricky Ponting or getting the ball to curve away wildly in England.

ExplainedA lonely game: It’s time coque iphone xs max pour fille to talkFor a team sport, cricket can be a lonely game. iphone xs coque eau Professional cricketers routinely go on long international tours that last months. Even on match days, they have to coque samsung s8 rue du commerce endure long periods of wait either sitting in the dressing room watching others bat or being on the field without being in the thick of action. In a game where sportsmen are encouraged to ruminate and introspect their every action, retirement comes with its problems. For one, the sudden switching off of the spotlight. Two, post retirement, cricketers often fail to shake off their habit to be over critical in their self assessment. In Britain, statistics show that Test cricketers are 75 per cent more likely to commit suicide as compared to the rest of the UK’s male population. Former Wisden editor David Frith’s book Silence of the Heart deals specifically with cricketers and depression. While the international players’ body, Professional Cricketers’ Association (PCA), has been educating cricketers about the possible risks of depression, in India, it still remains a taboo topic.

At times, he would lie through the night staring at the fan. Kumar’s family wife, son and daughter suspected something coque samsung j3 2017 magnifique was up but he blocked all queries. One reason, says the bowler, was that he didn’t understand what was happening himself. “India mein depression concept hee kahan coque samsung galaxy grand prime attaque des titans hota hai (Who understands depression in India) Nobody knows about it and in Meerut, certainly not.”

Once his sessions with the doctor started, Kumar told him he felt a cloud gathering since he had shifted home to an independent space, away from a large joint family set up. “I had no one to talk to, felt almost constant chid chidapan (irritation). As a fast bowler, I had to do a lot of thinking (to out smart batsmen). I told the counsellor I was unable to switch off thoughts.”

READ Glenn Maxwell to Maninder Singh: Cricketers who’ve battled mental health issues

Praveen Kumar (centre) was at his best during the England tour of 2011; (top) at his home in Meerut. (AP/File Photo)

The sudden disappearance of fame was one part of it. A deeper vacuum was left by the loss of dressing room camaraderie, the adrenaline charged universe, the high of playing in front of huge crowds. Kumar told the doctor that the one thing that would make him feel alive again was returning to the cricket ground.

Like most cricketers, it was the only world PK knew. A lucky few return to their comfort zone through commentating or coaching or administration. It might not come close to what they did before as players but it’s the closest they can get. At least they are in the same universe.

Speaking about this once, one of the game’s greats, Viv Richards, had said, “When you are retired, you are retired for a very, very long time. It’s like being dead to some degree.”

Like other former cricketers, Richards keeps a connect to the game alive be it as a commentator, coach or administrator. Nadeem Omar, the owner of the PSL (Pakistan Super League) team who got Richards to coach it, spoke to this newspaper once about his involvement still, at the age of 67 years. “Viv is so emotional, we had no clue. He smiles and cries at players’ success or coque samsung galaxy s9 boulanger failures.”

Praveen Kumar had a two year stint with IPL franchise KXIP from 2011 13. (File Photo)

Admitting he longs for some cricket work, Kumar says, “I have nothing to do, I want to do something but I just can’t.”

The one time ‘Swing King’, after all, has breathed cricket since he moved to an Uttar Pradesh sports hostel as a boy, living on endless cups of chai, and cricket talk. About four years after moving into the hostel, he was picked to play first coque samsung galaxy j6 plus amazon class coque en cuir iphone xs apple cricket in 2005. Raising hell with his late in benders delivered from close to the stumps, he was noticed quickly. In 2008, Manoj Prabhakar, who knew a thing or two about swing bowling, described Kumar as a “magician”.

The international call came in 2007 and, for a while, everything went like a aliexpress coque samsung galaxy j5 dream whether it was India’s first ever tri series final win against Australia in 2008, where he took the wickets of Adam Gilchrist, Ricky Ponting and Michael Clarke, or even 2011, the year Kumar stood out as the most impressive pacer in the coque samsung galaxy s6 edge carrefour last Test series of his career in England. In between were 68 ODIs and six Tests, with 104 international coque samsung prime core ve wickets in all.

During IPL 2009, England batsman Kevin Pietersen walked up to Kumar, his Royal Challengers Bangalore team mate, at a hotel in South Africa. After sharing a few words with Kumar, Pietersen turned to the journalist who was with Kumar and said, “Tell him please, all he has to do is get fitter, increase his speed by 5 to 10 kmph. He would be absolutely unplayable. Tell him not to fear losing his swing, he won’t. PK, you are a terrific bowler go for it.”

While pleased, Kumar told the journalist he wasn’t ready for the advice. “If I lose my swing, what is left in my game”

How good was he At his best, and if you just take his skill to get that little round coque iphone xs max moshi thing to curve, he was better than Bhuvneshwar Kumar. But that doesn’t tell the full story, about Bhuvneshwar constantly evolving, adding more weapons to his arsenal, increasing his pace, replacing Mohammad Shami in the World Cup semi final and for Tests abroad.

Always known for his quick temper yanking out stumps at the nets once to threaten a bunch of unruly fans Kumar, on the other hand, slipped. In 2011, a bout with dengue kept him from the World Cup that India famously won at Wankhede Stadium, Mumbai. The body recovered, Kumar’s career coque iphone xs avec collier didn’t…